A Greater Love

John 15:13 [13] Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. (ESV)

I've seen this verse lived out over and over in the last several years as I've watched my husband care for his father.  In so many ways and on so many days, he lays down his desires, his needs, and even the needs of those he would probably rather be caring for.  Instead of laying up treasures on earth, he is laying up treasures in heaven.

In just the last few days, he has cared for his dad

• by making sure he is dressed appropriately for where we are going when it might be easier to just let him wear what he wants.  
• by getting up and driving to his apartment at 3:00 AM when his dad calls because he is confused about what is going on. He spent the rest of the night there, on a love seat that doesn't fit him, to make sure his dad was safe, and then he went to work all day.
• by helping him stay healthy and giving him a variety of things to eat so that he doesn't eat two boxes of shredded wheat in 3 days.
• by taking him to the store for groceries on a cold night when he is fighting a cold and would like to be home in bed.
• by each night patiently sorting clothes that used to be in the hamper or in the dresser or on the chair, but are now in little piles all over the floor.  Laundry used to be a once a week activity.  Now we are bringing it home each night so that we know what has been worn or not.
• by waiting until he is home with just me to roll his eyes and cringe or laugh or groan or --- at the way Alzheimer's has stolen bits and pieces of his dad. (sometimes the laughter is healing more than tears or fighting it would be).

In caring for his dad, he is caring for us also.  He does many of the hard things that another husband might pass to his wife.  He shows our children how to respect and honor a parent who needs our help.  And he shows that he cannot do this on his own.

Alzheimer's caregiving is not for the faint of heart. It is hard, and many days we feel very faint. And yet, God's strength and courage is evident every time Ray stoops to help his dad with his shoes or gives up his plans for his dad's needs.  (And we couldn't do it without the support of our friends who walk beside us everyday.)

It takes faith to care for someone with memory loss.  God's grace in the gift of faith is evident every time Ray repeats an answer or asks his dad to pray for meal or the times we say the wrong thing, do what isn't effective, or make this harder rather than easier. God can redeem those times.  And we accept in faith that one day, on the new heaven and earth, Alzheimer's will be no more.  Until that day when hope becomes reality, I will be thankful for the life of Christ modeled by my husband in laying down his life daily for those he loves.